Story of a life

  There is so much to write. Not enough time. Not enough words. Not enough energy. The kiddos drain me. it was S's half birthday today. R was 'b*tchy' as usual. He has been. Since he left on Monday. He was flirting with me while he was here. And I got all torn up about our relationship. It reminded me of something. Something I hadn't felt since our courtship ended and we married. Perhaps that was the idea. To make me long for him. It didn't quite happen that way. Everything else that has happened in between the flirting of the courtship and the flirting of the first visit after over a year is still fresh in my mind. It didn't make me long for anything or make anything tingle. Made me disgusted. But also made me miss something. I haven't been able to name it yet. I call it R but it isn't R the person that I miss. I do not know what it is. Not yet. Perhaps someday I will. I don't really want to.  I also miss A. The camaraderie we shared before R made m...