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Last Day

Last year, I vowed to myself that I'll live everyday as if it were my last. For a while, I did. Didn't make a lot of people very happy. But it sure was a great time. I fulfilled some of my life's oldest dreams, overcame some deep fears and it improved my life A LOT. I made a choice every day to do so...and for a while I stayed on track.

 Now, I feel lost. I feel that I do not know what 'living everyday as if it were your last' means anymore. I do not know when it happened. Somehow I let the understanding slip away and here I am, wondering what happened and when.

 I can hazard a guess and say that my conscious self became overwhelmed with the newness of a lot of things and just retreated back to the old and familiar...it did so stealthily because it knew that I'd stop it if I catch it. I have done a lot of things that I am proud of this year and a lot of things that I am not. But one thing I have done is to take my chances...way more than I ever had. Can't say it all turned out bright and rosy but life definitely is brighter and rosier than before. Alhumdulillah.

 From today onwards, I renew my vow, even though I feel not an ounce of the energy and zeal I did when I first made it...but I am sure gonna try. In sha Allah. But this year, I pray for something too...I pray for a partner in crime. I pray that I be blessed with people who have the same passion for knowledge and zeal to attain and implement it that I do. I pray that I be surrounded by them, that I be energized by them, that I be uplifted by them, that they raise me when I fail, that I raise them when they fail and that we all be accepted and elevated by our Lord. Aameen.

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