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9/25/15

I will be 25 soon. It will be the oldest a girl in my immediate family has been without getting married. Well, on my mother's side of the family at least. My mother has just started pretending that she understands why. On most days, that is. Some days she still doesn't understand why I do not pick from the many suitable candidates that I have.

I don't hold it against her. I know that she wants me married and happy. I want me married and happy too. In fact, I am coming to the end of my second five-year plan for life,without having accomplished one of the major goals (that is getting married and perhaps having kids by the time I was 25) and I have no idea how I am going to build my next five-year plan without it. Life doesn't look like how I had imagined it to go five years ago.

I went to a conservative Synagogue and the National Basilica today. The trip was epic. It was everything I had hoped for. However, the person who had promised to do the self-curated tour with me did not show up because 'there are far more important things in life', 'what's the point' and 'there are some much better days to spend a day off'. The planning period for this tour was an absolute pain. Every person I talked to, from my boss (and colleagues - I was asking them about what faith they believed in and where I can find a house of worship for that faith - just because they were a handy resource) to the information desks at the houses of worship I wanted to visit, everybody thought I was crazy. My mother and brother are used to the madness so they just shrugged when I explained my plans to them.

The questions I got and the explanations I had to give to every person I talked to (simply to get an answer out of them) made the planning process really tedious. 'Why do you want to attend a service?', 'why not just take a group-tour?', 'what about an individual tour?', 'Why would you want to do something like this in the first place?' and the list goes on. So many explanations, so little productivity...although I guess one (like my boss) could argue that this time is not wasted, it's reaching out to people which is enlightening.

So, err, weren't we talking about marriage and how my mom (and myself to some extent - albeit for very different reason) are worried that I am fast approaching the quarter-century mark without a significant other in my life? What does visiting different houses of Faith have to do with it?

Well, in my mind, a lot. I want a husband who'd go to these and many more such outings with me. Who'd think about these things and perhaps have in-ings if not very frequent outings of the nature. Somebody who I can talk to and make sense to. Who would not encourage me to rather go to the baseball game (always!) or stay in and watch TV. Sure, doing these things add variety to life but I want someone who can think deeper than that.

I have been told that I'd only find that in a 'super religious' man and that I am not good enough for such a man. Also that what I am looking for is what every other girl in the country is looking for..so I have to have something that makes me stand out among all the other eligible candidates (sounds so much like Ivy league admissions, doesn't it? :)).

I respectfully disagree. I am completely on-board with self-improvement and being a match for your spouse...but for the first one, I do not think what I want is a 'super-religious' man. I just want an empathetic human being. In my experience, the most empathetic people also come from a strong faith background. So if my future husband is super religious, well, super cool. If he is not but has a humble heart and is trying to be the best he can be...well even better. As for being good enough for such a person...I think I definitely am. There isn't much in terms of achievements that I have but a willingness to learn and bending my will to God's and then trying my best to implement it in my life is something that I do. Trying and failing is a different matter. That is where the principle of 'try try again' comes in play.

Making sure that I stand out from the crowd so a future husband will pick me...I find that down right degrading. It makes me feel like a sheep in a herd. Probably it is so. There are prettier, meatier, healthier, smarter sheep out there. I just happen to think this is not a competition. It could be because I know that I seriously lack in the trendy 'desirable' characteristics. Some people definitely think so.

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