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late night musings

 Its past 2 am. I cannot sleep. No matter how empty I try to get my brain to be, I can't. No, wrong. I have actually succeeded in doing that at least two times tonight. But then nausea hits. I got my period yesterday. Last week of purgatory aka Iddah. But well, that's another story for another time. Right now, nausea, migraine, pain, cramps - it's all kicking me down. Goodness. I have been eating crackers and still feel like throwing up. I even went for a walk and kept active thoughout the day despite the pain because of this nausea. I thought the physical activity will help my body digest whatever is in it better. 

Thoughts that have been circling my brain: if i could buy a house, where should i buy it? do people still visit syria? can people visit syria (a quick sky scanner search says yes), is there anything actually interesting about north korea, like their culture? (found out there are two UNESCO world heritage sites there - who knew), is Alex Vause from OITB actually a lesbian (still haven't figured that out, did learn a whole lotta other stuff about her though), why does my left breast hurt more than the right one (still trying to figure that one out), did this knee on the neck murder thing happen before George Floyd or did the killer get the idea from OITB? 

Perhaps you can tell that I am currently watching OITB. Anyhow, my random brain also wants to go back to do research. I don't know what, but i am itching to have a project and research it to the bones. I have offered to volunteer at a nonprofit that i thought could use the help. They graciously thanked me and told me they'll be in touch. Nothing. Despite follow up. I have applied for almost 300 jobs. Several interviews. Even got to the final round with Gartner. Then all of a sudden, nothing. 

I need something to focus on that isn't related to my life - something beyond absolute survival. 

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